The Prodigal Pinocchio

I’m sure that you have heard the tale

About Pinocchio

But I’m about to tell the story

I’m sure you do not know.

The way the story is often told

Is mostly very true,

Except for one important part

That I will share with you.

It’s true there was a man Gepetto

Who was very much alone

Wished that he could have a son

A son his very own.

He made a puppet out of wood

Called him Pinocchio

But he was just a toy, that’s all,

And he would never grow.

And then a fairy gave him life

But left him made of wood

Until he proved that he deserved

Until he proved he’s good.

But Pinocchio was gullible

And easily deceived

He met a boy named “Honest John”

Whom he readily believed.

Long story short, this Honest John

Was not so honest at all

He tricked Pinocchio into being a star

In Stromboli’s Carnival.

When the fairy helped him escape

He trusted Honest John again

And ventured off to Treasure Island –

A very heathen den.

He gambled, smoked, wreaked havoc there

It was fun there for a while,

He barely escaped before being turned

Into a donkey on that Isle.

Pinocchio then swam away

According to the tale

But soon he ended up in the belly

Of Monstro the giant whale.

And there he met Gepetto who

Was looking for his boy

And though they were both swallowed alive

Gepetto was filled with joy.

Pinocchio devised a plan

To burn the raft of wood

Which made Monstro sneeze, and they escaped

And this proved that he was good.

So that is how Pinocchio

Though he started as a toy

Proved by heroic bravery

He deserved to be a boy.

And that’s the story you have heard

It’s cute and short and sweet

But I’m about to reveal to you

That story’s incomplete.

Gepetto was Pinocchio’s creator

That much is very true

But what I’m sure you do not know

Is that Pinocchio was number two.

Yes there was a doll before him made

By that crafty Gepetto

Pinocchio’s older, forgotten brother,

His name – Antonio.

Antonio was also blessed

By the fairy with real life

But unlike Pinocchio

He caused no pain and strife.

He stayed at home and worked so hard

While his brother went out and played.

He was a good and faithful son

Who never roamed or strayed.

And when his brother ran away

He was just a little glad

Until he saw it broke Gepetto’s heart

It made him very sad.

He set out with his father to

Track his brother down

They searched down every street and lane

They searched through every town.

They chartered out a fishing boat

And set out on the sea

When they received a helpful tip

Of where the boy might be.

So you can imagine when they got home

How upset Antonio became

That Pinocchio got a hero’s welcome

When he brought them so much shame.

And then the fairy granted him

The gift of real life.

The news cut Antonio deep inside

It cut him like a knife.

Gepetto saw Antonio’s face

And knew he was upset.

He thought Pinocchio had just received

What he really shouldn’t get.

“My son Antonio,” Gepetto said

“I know it seems unfair

But you must understand that you

With me were always there.

What’s mine is yours, you have it all

And, son, you always will;

Even though Pinocchio’s back

You shall be my eldest still.

But, Antonio, do you not see

If it were the other way

It would break my heart just as much

If you had gone astray?

And also that when you returned

When once I thought you dead

When I had to spend such sleepless nights

Crying in my bed,

That the same joy would be bestowed

The same party would be given

Upon you just as Pinocchio

And all your debts forgiven.”

So then Antonio realized

Though he still thought it unfair

It was a better place and time

With his lost brother there.

And at that moment when he smiled

And felt joy deep within

The fairy granted the gift of life

To Pinocchio’s older kin.

And that’s how Gepetto got two sons,

Two living, breathing boys.

Even though both started out

Just as wooden toys.

But both displayed such act of love

In such unselfish ways

And never left or acted out

For the rest of Gepetto’s days.

Based loosely and inspired by the Parable of the Prodigal Son from the Gospel of Luke 15:11-32

Questionable Treasures

“Is it true what they say about the Captain?” asked Private Fry, his first time aboard Captain Raven’s ship.

“In what regards?” asked Boatswain Stephens for clarification as the men prepared the Treasure Seeker, a pirate ship known for its acquisitions (usually legally) of buried treasures.

“Can I ask about both rumors I have heard?” requested Private Fry.

“Have you only heard two?” joked Boatswain Stephens.

“Are there more than only two?” asked a concerned Private Fry.

“Why don’t you ask me your two questions and I’ll let you know if there are more you should concern yourself with?” reasoned Boatswain Stephens.

“Which should I ask first?” asked Private Fry.

“I don’t even know which two you have to ask about, so how could I possibly be expected to answer such a question as that?” responded Stephens logically.

“Is it true Captain Raven is the most skilled at finding treasures?” asked Fry, though it was clear that was not the more important of the two rumors.

“Is that truly your first question?” asked Stephens.

“Is it true that even though he is such a skilled treasure hunter, he has thus been unsuccessful at finding this particular treasure?” asked Fry.

“Is that your second question, or part of the first one still?” asked Stephens.

“Isn’t it also true that many others have sought this same treasure and all have failed?” continued Fry.

“I will tell you it’s true, but do you expect me to believe that’s what you really want to know?” chuckled Stephens.

“Is it that obvious?” asked Fry.

“Do you think you’re the first to ask me such things?” countered Stephens.

“So is it true?” asked Fry.

“Is that what I said?” teased Stephens.

“Are you not going to tell me?” asked a frustrated Private Fry.

“Are you going to actually ask me?” Boatswain Stephens continued to tease.

“Are you really going to make me ask if you already know what the question will be?” pleaded Fry.

“Don’t you think I have that right as your Boatswain?” Stephens pulled his rank card on the Private.

“Do you think I’m being insubordinate?”  asked a nervous Fry.

“Is that what I said?” teased Stephens again.

“If you have been asked by many Privates and achieved the rank of Boatswain, can I assume you have been on many voyages?” asked Fry.

“Wouldn’t that be a logical deduction?” agreed Stephens.

“Have you always sailed under Captain Raven?” asked Fry.

“Why don’t you just ask me what you want to know about him?” urged Stephens.

“Is it true that he wants only questions in response to his questions and not answers?” asked Fry.

“Wouldn’t you assume as much by the tone of our very own conversation thus far?” asked Stephens.

“Would it be responsible for someone aboard a ship for the first time to make such an assumption?” reasoned Private Fry.

“Are you as smart a shiphand as you are at assessing Captains?” asked Stephens.

“Wouldn’t it be wise if I aspire to ascend the ranks as you have to be smart in many areas?” responded Fry logically.

“Would you like to know the answer to your question?” asked Stephens.

“Would I have asked if I didn’t want to know?” asked Fry.

“Are you crossing the line from smart to smart aleck?” asked an indignant Stephens.

“Wouldn’t that be unwise of someone aboard your ship for the first time?” asked Fry.

“Do you say this is my ship?  Do you not know that a pirate ship belongs to the entire crew and not the Captain, nor the First Mate, nor the Quartermaster, nor the rest of the crew?” asked Stephens.

“Are you avoiding the question about the Captain or are you challenging my knowledge of Pirate Ship etiquette?” asked Fry for clarification.

“Should I assume you are familiar with Pirate Ship etiquette?” asked Stephens.  

“Would you please just assume as such about me and answer about the Captain?  Isn’t he set to arrive soon?  Don’t you think I should know the answer before he arrives and we shove off?” pleaded Fry.

“It is true about the Captain only wishing to have responses in questions, and have you heard about the second part of the same rumor?” asked Boatswain Stephens.

“Do you mean that anyone not responding in questions shall be made to walk the plank?” confirmed Private Fry.

“Do you think that part is true?” quizzed Stephens.

“Wouldn’t it be logical to assume that if the Captain indeed has such an unorthodox conversational preference, and if someone were to violate said preference, that a punishment of the plank would be enforced upon said violators?” asked Fry.

“Do you think such punishment is fair?” asked Stephens.

“Is it my place to question the fairness of the Captain?” asked Fry.

“Even though all mates on a pirate ship have equal say in the operations of the ship?” tested Stephens.

“Would the Captain’s preference for communicating in only questions fall under the classification of ship operations which would need to be agreed upon by the crew under Pirate law?” countered Fry.

“Are you sure this is your first voyage under Captain Raven?” asked a proud Stephens.

“Is that the Captain now?” asked Fry, indicating to the ramp off the Port side of the Treasure Seeker.

“Isn’t he wearing the black Captain’s jacket and black tri-cornered Captain’s hat?” asked Stephens.

“Isn’t it true that Captains sometimes do not dress as Captains in order to test their crew and lure out traitors before setting out to sea?” asked Fry.

“Are you a traitor?” asked Stephens.

“Do I strike you as a traitor?” countered Fry.

“Do you think I would have been promoted to Boatswain if I didn’t assume anyone could be a potential traitor?” asked Stephens.

“Have you had many traitors on the Treasure Seeker?” asked Fry.

“How many do you think?” tested Stephens.

“Wouldn’t I be smart to assume that either there have been no traitors or that any traitors had been properly detected and dealt with since Captain Raven is still alive and well?” reasoned Private Fry.

“What would you deduce from that assumption?” asked Boatswain Stephens.

“Shouldn’t I deduce that it is not safe to be a traitor on board this ship?” asked Fry.

“Would you like to meet the Captain?” asked Stephens, satisfied Private Fry was not a traitor.

“Is it customary to meet the Captain so near to the beginning of a voyage?” asked Fry.

“Are you not as familiar with Pirate Ship etiquette as you previously led me to believe?” asked Stephens.

“Don’t the finer minutiae of etiquette differ from one Pirate Ship to another?” asked Fry.

“Do you think I would offer to introduce you to the Captain if etiquette did not allow it on the Treasure Seeker?” asked Stephens.

“Would you, if you could forgive my ignorance, introduce me to Captain Raven?” pleaded Fry.

“And you will not ask about his obsession with the treasure that is the reason for this voyage?” asked Stephens.

“Do you consider me that great a novice?” asked Fry.

“And you will not mention to the Captain that many others have sought this treasure but have failed?” asked Stephens.

“Why would I show such a lack of faith in the Captain?” asked Fry.

“Have you not heard of his obsession with this particular treasure?” asked Stephens.

“Have we not already established I have heard of it?” asked Fry.

“And that does not dissuade you from joining our ship?” confirmed Stephens.

“Are you going to introduce me to the Captain or not?’ demanded Fry.

“Are you ready?” asked Boatswain Stephens.

“Is anyone truly ready to meet such a legend?” asked Private Fry.

“Captain Raven?” called out Stephens to get the Captain’s attention as he made his rounds greeting the crew of his ship.

“Ah, Boatswain Stephens was it?” asked the Captain for confirmation.

“Have you forgotten me already?” joked Stephens with the Captain.

“Well, how long has it been since our last voyage?” asked the Captain.

“Haven’t we been at port too long with treasures out there waiting to be found?” asked Stephens.

“Do you think we’ll find it this time out?” asked the Captain.

“Would I be here with you if I thought otherwise?” confirmed Stephens.

“Right, and who is this man I’ve yet to meet?” asked the Captain of Private Fry.

“Oh, you mean me?” asked Fry.

“Are you not new to the ship?  What is your name, Private?” asked the Captain.

“This is indeed my first time on your ship and the name is Private Fry,” responded Fry.

“Have you lost your mind?” pleaded an angry Stephens as the Captain simply turned his back and walked away from Fry.

“Will you come with us?” asked one of two large, hulking men who now stood on either side of Private Fry.

“Are you serious?” asked Fry.

“Do we look like we’re joking?” asked the other of the hulks.

“What’s going to happen to me?” asked a nervous Fry.

“Do you not know?” asked the first hulk.

“Did I not warn you?” asked Boatswain Stephens.

“You were serious?” asked Fry.

“Do you have any last words?” asked the second hulk ushering Fry along the plank.

“Do you think that’s a bad omen?” asked the Captain of Stephens minutes later, the crew now short one Private Fry.

“Haven’t we lost crew members before?” reasoned Stephens.  

“Have we lost one before the voyage even began?” asked the Captain.

“Couldn’t that be a good thing?” asked Stephens.

“What do you mean?” asked a curious Captain.

“If we have done the same routine each time before our voyage for this treasure, yet come up short thus far, wouldn’t it stand to reason that changing our routine might bode well for us, the change being how early we make a first-time Private walk the plank?” asked Stephens.

“Would you like to be promoted to Quartermaster?” asked the Captain with a smile.

“Would anything make me happier?” asked Stephens.

“Will you gather the crew so I can make the announcement?” asked the Captain.

“Right now?” confirmed Stephens.

“Shouldn’t we do it before our voyage?  Didn’t you say changing the routine could be a good omen?” asked the Captain.

“Isn’t it for smart decisions like this that you are the Captain?” asked Stephens.

“Quartermaster Stephens, would you give the command to hoist the mainsail?” ordered the Captain after Stephens was promoted in front of the crew.

“Crew of the Treasure Seeker, would you raise the mainsail and set a heading due west?” came the command from Stephens as they set off again in search of their elusive treasure.

Bob to the Rescue

There is nothing particularly exciting about Bob.  Actually, that’s really giving him too much credit.  There is nothing exciting at all about Bob.  There, that’s better.  Bob is 33 years old, lives in a small, one bedroom apartment in a boring suburb called Burien, just south of Seattle.  Bob’s best friend (and his only friend really) is his goldfish he named Goldy.  He is an average looking guy of average height and build.  He drives a blue Toyota Camry that is fifteen years old.  And it isn’t even a cool electric or cobalt blue.  It’s just blue.  If you went to Home Depot’s paint section and asked the paint expert working there to give you the most boring shade of blue he had, he would respond, “Oh, like Bob’s car blue.”  Have I completely bored you yet telling you who Bob is?  No?  Well, keep reading.

Bob is a “Scanned Document Quality Checker”.  What is that, you ask?  Well, take a shot of espresso and splash some cold water on your face.  You’re going to need it.  In the ever-increasing age of digital documentation, it is still an ongoing effort to go through piles and piles of physical documents and turn them into a digital format.  The digital format can then be stored electronically to reduce the amount of space the records would otherwise take up in an office or store room.  The documents are also then easily shared with whoever might need them.  

For example, a construction business that has been in operation since the 1990’s would most likely have a decade or more of physical paperwork in storage in some form or another.  They could be design plans, supply orders, invoices, payroll paperwork, any number of things that are just sitting in boxes taking up space.  

Now, I know what you might be thinking: aren’t there scanners for that sort of thing?  And you’d be right.  But Bob’s job is even less exciting than scanning the documents.  Once the documents are scanned, well, that’s where Bob works his magic.  Bob must go through every single piece of scanned data to check for quality.  If something is illegible, Bob must locate the original physical copy.  If the original physical copy is legible and was misscanned, Bob must re-scan it so a clear copy can be added to the digital file.  If the original is not legible, Bob must notate that on the scanned document.  Bob’s quota is to quality check a thousand scanned pages every day.  I told you there is absolutely nothing exciting about Bob.  

The only excitement in Bob’s life is when he gets to ride the elevator at work with Stephanie.  Stephanie is the receptionist at the same company where Bob works, let’s call it Most Boring Jobs Ever, Inc.  Stephanie is sweet, beautiful with blonde hair just past her shoulders and blue eyes that nearly twinkle when she smiles.  And she is always smiling.  Stephanie works on the first floor of the building.  Bob is on the fourth.  A few times a month, Bob gets to the elevator at the same time as Stephanie.  On a rare, lucky day, Bob catches the same elevator with her in the morning and again in the evening.  

Though he has tried on several occasions, Bob has never said a word to Stephanie, though she greets him with a friendly salutation each time they meet.  

“Good morning,” she has said before, her morning coffee in one hand and her handbag in the other.  Bob would just smile and look at the buttons to the right of the elevator door.

“Good evening,” she has said before, without the coffee.  Bob couldn’t even manage a Good evening in return.

“Any plans for the weekend?” she asked one time.  Bob almost worked up the courage to admit that he, in fact, had no plans for the weekend.  Instead, he smiled and looked at the buttons again.

Everything changed one Monday morning.  Bob and Stephanie both boarded the elevator at the same time.  Bob was ready to savor every second of the ride to the first floor where Stephanie would disembark.  

“How was your week . . .” Stephanie began to ask when the elevator jolted to an abrupt stop and the main lights flickered before going out completely.  The back-up light illuminated the car with about a quarter of the regular luminosity, but it was enough to see that Stephanie was growing concerned.  And then Bob sprang into action.

“I’m sure it will be fine,” he stated confidently and flashed a reassuring smile.  

“I just don’t particularly like confined spaces,” she admitted.  Small beads of sweat began forming on her brow.

“Hey,” he smiled again, “who does?”  His simple choice of words calmed her.  Just by saying Who does, Bob not only made her feel that everything was going to be okay, but also assured her that her fear of confined spaces was nothing to be ashamed of.  It was brilliant.

The minutes continued to tick by and the power had not returned.  After an hour had lapsed, Bob knew he needed to do something to rescue his fair damsel in distress.  He looked up and saw the escape panel in the back corner of the elevator car.  He hoisted himself up on the hand rails and gracefully balanced himself as he pushed up on the panel.  The hatch opened exposing the elevator shaft above them.

“What are you doing?” Stephanie inquired as Bob began to reach his hands up into the opening to see what he could grip.

He looked down at her and said, “I’m getting us out of here.  Just hang tight.”

Bob lifted himself up atop the elevator car and poked his head back in through the opened hatch.  “I’m going to climb up the cable, go out through the second floor door, go down the stairs and open this elevator from the outside.”

She thought Bob very heroic and she didn’t even stop to think that if the doors could have been opened from the outside, someone would have done that by now.  All she thought was that Bob was her knight in shining armor and she watched him disappear into the darkness above. 

Bob scaled the greasy elevator cables.  He got to the second floor and forced the doors open.  He crawled out of the elevator shaft and there was already a small crowd gathered around to witness his emergence.  The power was out on the second floor as well and was only lit by emergency lights, but it was easy to see that Bob’s clothes were completely soiled by the elevator cable.  

“What happened to you,” asked a voice in the crowd?

“No time,” exclaimed Bob who rushed to the exit door leading to the stairwell.  In a flash, he sped down two flights of stairs to the lobby.  He wrapped his jacket around his arm and smashed the glass emergency casing that contained a fire host and a small axe.  Bob grabbed the axe and went to work on the elevator doors.

Bob hacked away at the doors.  His hands began to ache, his muscles grew sore, sweat dripped from his face down to his stained shirt.  But Bob didn’t stop.  He managed to cut a hole in the door big enough for a body to fit through.  He stuck his head in.  Stephanie saw her rescuer and swooned.  Bob extended his hand and she reached hers out to take hold.  Bob was gentle but strong as he aided her though the hole to safety.  

“Is this your floor?” Bob quipped as he set her down.  Stephanie nearly lost her balance once she was out of the box of terror and Bob caught her in his arms.  She looked up at Bob, her blue eyes sparkling.

“I don’t even know your name,” she admitted.

“Bob,” he replied.

“Bob.  Bob.  Bob!  Bob!!”  He heard his name being repeated, but it wasn’t Stephanie’s voice.  Bob snapped out of it and saw that it was Adam who also worked on the first floor.

The power had come back on, apparently it was only out for a few minutes before the elevator resumed its course to its destination to the first floor.  The doors had opened and Stephanie walked out to a small crowd that amassed during the brief outage.  “You okay there, Bob?” asked Adam.

“He’s more than okay,” Stephanie assured them.  “I nearly lost it in there, but Bob was calm, cool and collected.  He didn’t even say a word and I knew everything would be okay.  He was like a rock.  He didn’t flinch or panic.  He was a hero.”

“Is that right?” commented Adam in disbelief.  

Before the doors closed, Stephanie thanked Bob for keeping her safe and wished him a good day.  Bob just smiled and looked at the buttons again as the doors drew shut.  He couldn’t wait to get home and tell Goldy about the exciting day he had.